In Shorts-off #2 ~ But For You, Yes ~ Our main character had a deal breaker that may or may not be a bit over the top. I wanted to talk about what I've learned about deal breakers.
They're an excuse. An excuse to pull away or push away.
Of course you have things that should be deal breakers. Abuse is first right off the top of my head. But those aren't so much deal breakers as they are intolerable acts that shouldn't be excused or over looked. I'm talking about the long list of what he or she should or should not be.
Let's take a look at one such list I use to have that was a part of the musts I wanted in a guy:
* Pretty eyes
* takes care of his body
* wants the best for me
* sticks by my side
* doesn't lie...
The list actually dissolves from there. There were 20 items and once I understood a secret kept from me, I tore that list up and never looked back.
The question I never asked myself about my list was, what does compassion look like? What are pretty eyes? What do you mean by taking care of his body?
Easy, I wanted a good looking guy that cares for me. But I've had a few dozen guys match up with exactly that criteria. So, what did I learn? What was the secret?
My problem was my nose stuck in my list so far that I couldn't tell you what "him wanting what's best for me" really meant or looked like. Don't eat chocolate~that's what's best for you. Stay out of the sun~that's what's best for you.
Truth. No one has more capacity to know what's best for you than yourself.
The real power is what so many men already know...being now is better than being later. Men taught me they have more to offer when they are in the here and now and not looking into the future. As women looking towards the future comes naturally. Women have lists. Men have needs.
I dumped my "deal breaker" list and started looking--really looking at the men in my life. I discovered how uninhibited they are. How free. I discovered my perceptions of men weren't as I thought. I started asking questions and discovering the similarities men and women have but also the differences in communication.
That's when I realized that these deal breakers I had were an excuse to avoid intimacy. Once I figured out that I wanted more than a guy that meet the criteria on my list, I started meeting men that I could fall in love with. Now I can tell exactly what compassion looks like in real life. I can tell you what I mean by "sticking to my side".
And the bonus is, I don't have to update an ever changing list that doesn't help me look into the man I want to be with.
After realizing that I was going to continue doing monthly shorts-off stories, I decided this brand needed a logo!
I'm very excited to be able to write this series! It represents my own brand of rebellion against the conformity of social restraints. Still trying to be me but doing no harm to others can indeed be a lesson in restraint.
But there lies another factor. Other people have their own path to choose and to follow. Some find sex offensive while others appreciate my brand of chaotic mischief. I don't go where I'm not wanted and I'm not trying to force others toward an uncomfortable subject, but I feel if ever one needed to talk about the depravities of the physical needs we have, know that there is always one more nefarious you can talk to.
There is something so intimate about reading to a lover. It bonds you in a way that can't be duplicated. If you read a story out loud for your significant other, they get to watch your face as an observer not having to think or respond. It's easy engagement.
Without the pressure of having to react and allowing oneself to just be while observing takes the pressure off "doing" something together. The listener gets to hear their lovers voice, another arousing sense besides watching the fall of hair, the roaming of eyes, action in stillness.
Conversely, the reader is in the spotlight and demands the listeners attention at every word. Even if your performance isn't Emmy award winning you're still with your lover. They appreciate the effort.
So while cuddling up against each on a soft couch to watch TV is romantic in itself, if you want to do something different this one night...then pick a good story and read out loud.
My Dear Reader,
The phrase, try something three times before you decide if you like it or not, comes to mind when I think of this story. That doesn’t always work, but it was a rule I stuck by until I got to know what I liked and what I didn’t. Still, I do tend to try new things and give them a chance.
In But For You, Yes the background focus is this theme. I wonder if anyone picked-up on that. If you did or did not I’d like to hear from you! Tell me your thoughts.
Of course the main theme was about that taboo area I know many men and women like so much. Curiosity should not be discouraged, but be forewarned, do your research on this type of sex play.
The only kind of partnership is one where both parties are interested in the pleasure they can give each other. That sounds a lot like love to me, and I’ve known so many wonderful lovers that make it their goal to please—in every way. So, if you’re interested in trying something new…remember, give it three tries before you decide but be safe!