Relationship Tip #6

Recently my relationship tip #6 caught the attention of a friend and I was asked...

"Do you really think planning a future means more to a man than a woman?"

Short answer ~ NO.

But why did you post that?

This proves my point in how men and women have a different process of thinking. I've interviewed guys from coast to coast, from Norwegian to Japan and back to California. I've asked them many questions and somehow, for some reason ~ maybe it's my innocent face ~ they ALL answered me with the seriousness and weight as if they were Atlas.

Some of the questions were: "When do you know you love a woman?", "What does marriage mean to you?", "Does sex have meaning to you?"

Every one of them had a heart-breaking answer. Every ONE.

I've also asked women the same questions. The more I talk to women and men, the more I realize they are saying the same thing...just with a different perspective.

But wait Stephanie...didn't you just say men and women have a different process for thinking?

Yes, I did. But you might be confusing PROCESS as THE END RESULT. Men and women WANT the same things--they really do--but getting to what they want is utterly different.

Most women treat men like inept women. Women expect men to think like them because women can think like a man. Here's a tip: Most men don't think like women. Ever.

They can preemptive strike, they can anticipate, but women have the super-power of actually thinking like a man. Any man who can think like a woman is a treasure beyond any diamond, gold, or sapphire ruby. And frightening. {I know of one man who can think like a woman and my friend also knows this man so I just have to say to my friend, he's the exception, not the rule.}
 
Women have the curse and super-power of being able to out-think a man. Thus women, please give your guy a break and stop wrapping him in tongue-tape where you bind him with words to the point that he's afraid to speak. That's why he's not talking. HE'S TERRIFIED OF YOU. Yep. It's true. I asked 200+ men. They would rather take their chances with an 300mph hurricane than come home to your wrath.

Now, if you been listening really closely, I've been showing you WHY I've made the statement that drew conversation.

Here it is in plain English (for the guys to be able to articulate their feelings).

Women do not fear their attachment. We also have chemicals in our brain that makes us attached to guys we find attractive, have sexual relations, and the bond is formed very, very quickly.

Men are terrified of attachment. "Future" means the death of possibility. The death of going out with friends because "I have a family to take care of." Death of the freedom to wander where they want because "I have to take care of my family". Death to any fun they might have because "I have a family to take care of."

Men don't understand that being attached doesn't always mean the death of their freedom. They see guys in miserable situations and say, man--I don't want to be caught up like that. They want and prize the freedom to do anything they want. When a guy likes a girl so much that he's willing to bleed for her, kill his own freedom, stab any competitor and rip his face off...that means he's serious. Thinking of the future for guys isn't more important. It's that they think of it WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY less than women. If they think about a future with their women...it means they are willing to die for them.

I know women who would say...But I'm willing to die for him.

Yes, we're women. We care. That's our thing. But we are willing to die for our parents, our friends, and the neighbors cat. Men--not so much. {Don't get into the--hey! Guys will die for the neighbors cat too. No, guys think they're invincible and believe they won't die, ever. Please don't mistake the immortal attitude for bravery. They are two different things}

But when a guy thinks of a future with you there is only one other person besides himself he would save. Just you. Not the dog. Not his parent. You. You first. Only you.

Women, we love. We have an abundance of love. It's within our genes. It's a chemical reaction. It's almost automatic to love. We just can't help it nor should we try to prevent it.

Here's something I realized. A man's love is a free-will choice.  
 
Go ahead women, try and deny that you're not made of love and sometimes it's more difficult *not* to love. I'm not saying you're love or thinking of the future is less. I'm saying that it's rare for a man because while a woman's commitment is completely valid, and "more" love does not diminish it's worth (it's part of why men love us) the finality in a guy thinking about the future in his care-free world is rare. Him thinking about the future doesn't mean more. A girl thinking about the future is normal because we think about it everyday. A guy thinking about the future means he's finally, finally ready for that future with you. Celebrate it.

{My friend, this probably intrigued you for a reason. It might interest you to interview men as I have. Men, not boys. Boys won't answer your questions. That's how you tell them apart.}

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