I had one of those cinematographic moments where, my mind scrambled in terror, my heart tried clawing out of my chest, the camera filming my life did a total close-up where the background grows huge and I'm left there with my terror.
All because I heard words that every other woman wants so desperately for her man to say.
I freaked out.
I believe my words were...."No! No! No! No! No! I am a whole person, you are a whole person, nobody's a half a person here, no I don't complete you, you complete yourself, I complete myself. No! No! No! No! No!"
He went full Jerry MaGuire on me and I can say he DID NOT have me at hello. Or even at, pass me the soy-sauce (we were eating at Panda Express).
My guy is like that. These are things he says and for all that is holy they scare me to death.
They scare me because it means I'm responsible--responsible for his happiness. Love is responsibility of many things but this, for me, is terrifying.
I can deal with making myself happy but him???
Later I apologized for being an ass. I realized that his declaration was one of complete trust and love and I had a heart attack over it. All due to my self-protecting detached love style.
But the wonderful thing about my guy is that he understood that he'd triggered a defense switch and didn't take offense. He didn't have the words to explain that he knew, so he just remained silent and let me see the love in his eyes. Sometimes, with detachers, that's all that's needed. We feel it--trust me even if we seem stand-offish, aloof or nonaffected to the point of sub-zero freezing cold-shoulder. But we still feel. In fact it's the inability to corral that feeling, absorb and assimilate it that gets us stirred-up or rather--shut down.
He corrected himself later understanding my distress to...you complete my team. We all have a support system. I'm part of his, he's a part of mine.
When I look back at that night and think about his "You complete me..." I realize that maybe after 6 years of incorporating our lives together that it's a good thing he feels that way. Honestly, if I were to admit it--he completes me too.
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