Marriage scares the living-poo-poo out of me. All I can think of when that word pops out is alimony. It's like one of those rules that are made to be broken.
I don't see the happy ending because nobody gets out of this life alive. Why is marriage so scary? Did I have a bad childhood? Well, no, I had a great childhood, but I'm not sure why I see marriage as a bad thing--I mean for me not other people.
Other people, marriage is great! Excellent, you found your soul mate! The love shines in your eyes and I know your happy. So why is it not for me?
Because I need distance. Intimacy burns. Closeness is a fire that I can skim the edges and feel warm from the outer edges but get too close and my skin melts off. Those of you thinking, "how sad, she doesn't know the how good it feels to have love surround you all the time." are failing to understand that I do feel it. We are the ones that feel too much and instead of being burned, we'd rather freeze.
Have you ever heard the term, "I'd rather freeze than burn"? Those of you that like cleansing through fire I salute you. But the distance is necessary for me to feel comfortable. And that's okay. I keep skimming further in but ultimately, I need my independence. I need to know that I can still take care of myself.
I've discovered this about me while reading/listening to Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find--And Keep--Love by Amir Levine, M.D. and Rachel S.F. Heller, M.A.
Apparently, there are Avoidance, Secure and Anxious attachment types. I fit into the Secure/Avoidance build and have since learned about the different types. I would recommend this book for those interested in romantic relationship building. It helps you to understand you and your partner and how to work on issues you may have.
While the book explains much about the three different relationship types, it also goes into helping you understand the relationship you have.
I understand who I am and my view on marriage may never change but I'd be interested in talking to others that have read the book or know of Attachment theory.
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