I've been having this nagging thought in the back of my mind while reading some of the romances novels I love and it has to do with how writers wind-up conflict to keep the reader interested in the story.
Our heroine is conflicted--she outwardly pretends she doesn't like the guy but inwardly knows her body is hot for him. She acts tough, cool or unaffected.
He, too, is hot for her and either plays the nice guy or the bad boy--whatever, this isn't necessarily about him. It's about how the woman has to be broken down, harassed, coerce, and generally fight her own desire to have sex with the guy.
Okay, this is fantastic story material. But the guy in the story has to either pull the moon in from orbit, move tides and mountains or prove such unending devotion that the poor thing is near death.
My dearest ladies, I hope, to my love of men, that you don't think you have to act like that heroine, or that your guy has to build a spaceship from lint and a safety pin and get the rock of Vintari from Mars for you.
You know it's a STORY, right? That the writer is trying to keep your interest? That when you're attracted to someone and act cool or hard that you're just going to be lonely, right? Because a great guy is a wanted guy who has his choice of women. Why should he bother with a bitch? Oh, in the story he loves the bitch, but let's flip this scenario into a real life situation to this asshole trying to get your attention by pissing you off. Is that going to endear him to you?
Yet women expect guys to approach them, somehow take off your mask front and see you for who you are.
My dearest, I love you, but your living in a novel. Come to the world where real rainbows and light abound. Where women don't care about what taboo they're committing by walking up to a guy and getting his phone number. Where women find their own happiness and love men for the little boys, family protectors and female admirers they are. A place where women accept that men act different because they are different, speak different but are trying to get the same outcome as us.
It's the general rule that a women can't make the first move, can't accept her sexual needs and has to fight it even if she's single, ready and adorable.
This just proves that when a woman says "no" does it mean "no" or does it mean "try a little harder". A great guy is going to accept "no" for NO and move on to a wonderful woman who doesn't hide her desire and they will have a great relationship.
And that women having the great relationship with that fantastic guy is going to be called a slut--but you know what, she's not going to care because she's having a fantastic life with her wonderful prince charming who is so way out of your league because you can't accept your desire.
When you say no, is it with fear? Is it from the attitude of "what do you want from me?" Where is that question coming from? Try this question instead, "What am I comfortable giving to you?" Then ask, "Why?" Examine that answer and see if it really matters. Sticks, and stones may break my bones, but I don't let labels ever hurt me. Live your life in confidence and you shall be free.