More and more I can see the end to this particular project and I'm getting excited as the first draft comes to a close. Of course I have another excerpt for you below.
In this scene I was trying to show Kai's point of view on sex, his rigid principles and how he feels about Liam. His boyfriend isn't legal yet, even though Kai agreed to "go out" with Liam they both want monogamy but the relationship is sexless.
This pushes Kai, a healthy, young male into certain carnal explosive positions in which he tries to avoid.
Liam has only ever had bad, forceful sex and most of it was when he was "leased out" as a male prostitute. He has urges but they aren't as strong because of his past. This eventually comes to light. For right now, during this scene, Liam─the eighteen year old─is the voice of reason and stronger of the two when it comes to putting the brakes on before the two have intercourse.
In other words Kai wants him bad, but Liam's like─meh. That changes when Liam discovers the joy of great sex. Of course that doesn't happen until he's of legal age.
Below is an excerpt of (working title) HANDLE WITH CARE Happy reading!
“Liam thinks every bit as an adult.” My usual session with Ms. Slate turned into relationship counseling. This was the only place, the only person, I could talk to about Liam. “But his body is still underage.”
“How are you dealing with that?” Jennifer sat behind her desk, glasses on, hair framing her down-turned face as she scribbled in her notebook.
I cleared my throat. “I am dealing with it fine.”
She stopped writing and looked up at me. “Specifically, what are you doing to deal with your attraction.”
It was no use telling her there was no attraction between Liam and I. Jennifer could see through me. “I go to the dojo every night. I take extra cases. Keeping busy helps.”
Jennifer folded her hands and cast me an expectant stare.
On any other day I could wait her out, but lately my calm grated against the inner demon. My patience grew shorter and often. I was becoming sarcastic, haughty, and my temper was easily raised. Every ounce of control was put to the test. Especially when I was around Liam. “It takes everything I have to steer my thoughts clear of any sexual fantasies.”
“When was the last time you had intercourse?”
Some might think her questions intrusive, irrelevant, but I found her direct speech refreshing. She did not mince her words. “Eleven months.”
“And you’ve had no thoughts about Liam?”
“No. None. Not at all.” Liar. I would catch a slip of his skin and desire to touch him. He would talk with his hands and I would imagine how those fingers felt on my torso. The show of ankle and then my mind would wander into a scene where he locked his legs around my hips. But I snapped out of all of them before my imagination ran away too far.
“Kai…” Jennifer sighed. “Liam isn’t six years old. He’s three months from being legal.”
“He is three months, fifteen days, and nine hours from being legal.”
She compressed her lips. “It would be normal to fantasize about the person you like.”
“I will not go down that road.”
“You said yourself he’s an adult…”
“He thinks like an adult. He is still a minor.”
“Are you doing this to prevent another Mori situation?”
I flashed her a scowl.
She did not flinch. “It’s a valid question.”
“What do you think?” I hissed. Then amended, “Of course.”
“Do you think denying yourself will change the way you deal with Liam when you two finally have sex.”
I sucked in a breath. “Can we not talk about this?” Sex and Liam in the same thought was dangerous. Illegal even, despite what Jennifer said.
“Not having any issues with your co-workers?”
“Mr. Puzo thinks I have abused my power.”
She nodded. “He came the other day asking for information about you. I gave him the client privileges act and told him there was nothing he could use from me that would involve your work performance.”
Jennifer knew about my past, about me helping Mori put a father in jail so we could get said father’s family to safety. Not everyone got out of harm’s way. Mr. Puzo must have found out about my under-the-radar string pulling.
“Liam invited me to an art competition.” No matter how I tried the conversation always went back to my boyfriend. Boyfriend.
A title that kept me from losing my mind. At the very least, he was mine.
“Sounds like a date.”
I kept my head down but flicked my eyes over to see her reaction. “Is that, okay? We are not having sex.”
“Yes, Kai. Yes. That’s a good thing.”
Relief flooded my body. “We made an agreement.”
She remained silent. Jennifer never pushed.
“We want monogamy… we go on dates, but there is no sex. No kissing. No touching. But I am his boyfriend, I mean we are going out, a couple. But there…”
“Is no sex. I get it, Kai. I think that’s wonderful.”
“Talking to him is a relief and added pressure.” I smoothed the wrinkles in my slacks and kept my eyes down. “He is an amazing person. He is taking the age of consent seriously. He keeps the physical part out of our relationship. That is why I say he thinks like an adult.” Liam was not lost in his dick. He thought about the consequences. Not just for himself but for me.
“Buuuuut…” Jennifer prompted.
“My own urges are getting harder to resist.”
“You know, Kai, touching someone doesn’t automatically mean sex is on their mind. You can hold hands, or heaven forbid, hug without it meaning anything other than affection. Affection does not mean sex.”
Touching Liam. I shivered. Remembering Saturday’s hug sent a spike of energy up and down my spine. My cock started getting in on the action, an indication I should direct my imagination somewhere else. Like how my father would react to Liam being my boyfriend.
“He massaged my shoulders.”
“Well, there, you see.”
I did not have the heart to tell her I stepped out of his hold before I turned around, stripped naked and had him in my hallway. “We will make due. Four months will pass by quickly.” If I kept saying that, maybe I would believe it.
“True, but I’m a little worried about you.”
“Given that you and your boyfriend are monogamous and not having sex, are you masturbating?”
“What? No!” My body moved on its own. I stood and paced the length of her couch. There was no way I could disguise my abject horror. Did she think me one of those creeps that think about children when having sex?
Jennifer remained stoic. “As I was saying, there is a very large difference between a six-year-old body and a seventeen-year-old body. Don’t get me wrong. The age of consent is eighteen, but considering your past…”
“I am in control.” I sat down, loosening the tension in my jaw. I reined in my temper and straightened my tie. “I am in control. This situation is different.”
“There is no touching, no teasing. It’s a shorter wait.”
“Have you talked to him about what will happen when he turns eighteen and you can have sex?”
“Are you asking if he is a virgin?”
“That was not my question.”
“We will talk about that when he is eighteen.” But it occurred to me that Jennifer might have already seen Liam as a patient. Her questions were always pointed. Direct. She was trying to lead me to a series of thoughts.
Jennifer compressed her lips again and waited me out. For what, I wasn’t sure.
“Can we get off the subject of Liam?” Bringing up his name was the very act of talking about him.
Jennifer kept her head down, writing. “We can talk about anything you want.”
But, for all I was worth, I could not think of anything to talk about. The time passed in silence. It was a testament to how Liam touched every aspect of my life. Work reminded me of him. Home reminded me of him. When I went to the dojo I conjured what lesson to teach him. I breathed Liam. Ate Liam. My heart beat drummed syllables to his name. Li-am. Li-am. Li-am. Li-am.
Finally I sighed and hung my head in resignation.
I raised my head to Jennifer’s soft call.
“How are you sleeping?”
“Not much.” The admittance was painful, but I was no coward to truth. “I try but my erection keeps me awake.”
Jennifer’s mouth thinned. Her hands folded. My therapist’s eyes cast down to her desk.
“Say what you want to say.”
“You requested not to.”
“Out with it.”
“What you are doing is unhealthy.”
“My thoughts are what is unhealthy.” I know what she wanted me to do. But masturbation was not an option. “If I release myself I will think of him. Thinking of him while he is still a minor… doing that is sick.”
“Again, he’s not six-years-old.”
“That does not give me license to think of him in that way.”
“And because you are in a relationship, you’re not seeking out companionship to relieve the stress, I take it.”
“That suggestion is just as disgusting.” I would not cheat on Liam. Nor would I ask his permission to have sex with another person. It would not only put him in an awkward choice, it was not an action I wanted to entertain. We agreed. Monogamy. I refused to fail him another time. Liam would have the best of me.
“Couples do what they need to. When it’s not about the sex and they are trying to stay together, sometimes unconventional relationships help keep them together.”
“That is not applicable in this situation.” I was not opposed to unconventional. Hell, in the past, if I shared Mori with his other lovers I would have been all right with that. At least for a while.
“So, we have an impasse.”
“Yes, doctor, we do.”
Jennifer sighed in a I give-up kind of way. “If I prescribe you a sleep formula, will you take it?”
“It’s not medication, it’s natural. Over the counter items.”
I was still leery. “I will research it.”
She scribbled on a pad and handed me a sheet with a website URL.
“Thank you.” With that, I was done with the session. I stood and walked out of the office ten minutes before my time.
Liam by Cynthia Hlady
Thank you for reading Handle with Care by S.N.McKibben. Interested in more?